As we grow older we pass through many developmental stages and critical periods in life. The vision of having a Rockstar husband that was all we’d hoped for at 15, is more than likely completely different to what we dream of when we’re 18, 21, 25 and 35, and that’s perfectly okay! What doesn’t feel okay with me, is settling for the life you’re currently living, while your soul is screaming at you to run as fast as you can and find what is truly meant for you. You might be sticking it out because it’s comfortable, safe, or secure, or because you’re afraid there isn’t anything else out there for you, but if you feel something inside telling you it’s not right, I wholeheartedly believe you should listen to it. You could be aware of unhappiness in your current situation, or feel the internal urge to change, but might convince yourself it’s not ‘that bad’. A lack of motivation can lead to ambivalence. If you feel it niggling at you, or you find yourself sighing loudly and often, feeling generally dissatisfied with most everything around you, or constantly day dreaming of you as a different person or in a different place, it kind of is ‘that bad’ because you’re stuck where you shouldn’t be any more, your future is waiting for you to arrive! Every single one of you possesses the capacity to change in some way, to take even small steps toward the better days that are waiting for you. Sometimes you just need a bit of encouragement and the inspiration to really consider it in terms of something that is possible and within your reach. Think it into existence!
Leaving someone you love behind, or the life you’ve been living behind is scary, and it hurts. I know, because I spent the better part of two or even three years falling deeper and deeper into a hole I wasn’t even aware of, until months passed and I’d constantly been waking up every morning next to a man I thought I loved, in the house I thought we’d one day own, with my secure but unrewarding job, in the small town I’d spent my almost 21 years living in. I would stare at the walls, miserable, and think to myself ‘I was put on this earth for so much more than this’ ‘I am not supposed to be here.’
I didn’t realise how bad it was in day to day life, how much of me was missing, how desperate my soul was to bloom. Part of me knew there was better, but I guess I didn’t believe it could happen for me, or know the extent of how much better there actually was. I thought I had to settle and play it safe and make sure everyone around me was happy – but I was just an empty shell. I had withered away inside. I’d gone from an emotionally abusive childhood, growing up with anxiety and depression, went out on my own before I’d finished high school, without a shred of self-esteem or self-worth. Walking down the street frightened me because I didn’t want anybody to look at me. I hardly left the house. I just worked, studied, and cooked and cleaned for a man that didn’t support me in any way, share any of my values, or treat me with respect. I didn’t have the support I needed to heal or grow or thrive. Nothing was bringing me happiness. I would mindlessly smother myself in tv series and junk food to try and forget my real life. My soul was desperate to be free. It knew all along what I consciously didn’t – there was happiness beyond what I could ever imagine out there for me. I wasn’t even a tenth of the person I was born to be yet. All I had to do was muster up the courage to make the decision to listen to my true instincts and choose to put myself first.
It took me two years to leave. I was mentally drained, sad, and physically sick. One day after all the months of increasing suffering, my then partner walked into the room, I blurted out the words ‘I’m moving to the coast,’ and it was as if the universe had been patiently preparing for that very moment and leapt into action to get everything ready for my arrival. I cried and cried, I felt terribly guilty for leaving my partner and worried how he would go on without me, but I pushed on and reminded myself that every single one of us has choices and has the power to find our own happiness. I knew the love wasn’t there anymore, I knew the situation wasn’t right for me, I knew there had to be more out there.
I had two friends and one distant family member living at the coast. I knew nobody else, had no idea what I was going to do, and I imagined I would end up stuck in some dreaded share house and never come out of my room and be forever alone. I had to travel back and forth to try and arrange work and housing before I moved. I was so scared. To my surprise, everything went smoothly and after only two weeks of looking I secured a job, then two days later I went to meet my first potential roommate – a moment I will never, ever forget.
It was 7.30 on a Tuesday morning, I was so nervous I’d started sweating, and I was worrying whether I looked okay in my shorty shorts, even though logically I knew my appearance was irrelevant to finding a place to live. I knocked on the door, it opened, and the guy standing in front of me said ‘Hey I’m Tyler!’, held one hand out to shake mine, held a cereal bowl in the other. I felt my heart skip a beat. Instantly it was like my soul went yep, here is the one we’ve had you waiting for, this is it. In the year or so that followed, every little thing fell into place perfectly. I was never lonely, I never longed for my past life, I became part of the most wonderful group of friends, and finally fit in somewhere. I got so far out of my comfort zone, tried so many new things, I was active, social, bubbly, happy and every single day of my life I gave thanks because I was unbelievably grateful for the new life I’d found. I found confidence and self-love, I started doing things I really enjoyed just for me, and the man who opened the door that day is now my loving, patient, supportive, incredible partner. I count my blessings every single day for him. And every other day for the choice I made to give myself a chance and be brave.
Take all the chances! Really listen to your soul, don’t second guess it! It’s not selfish to follow where your heart and soul want to take you, it’s how your life is supposed to be lived! Don’t live it for others. Don’t stay where it’s safe and comfortable, or out of fear you might hurt your loved one or regret your decision. If your soul is calling you to go elsewhere, they must be stuck in the wrong place with you too, so you’re freeing them to find true happiness as well. Put all your sparkly, positive vibes out there and be fearless. I have shed tears of joy and happiness since leaving that chapter of my life, and I want you all to have the tears of happiness too!
Your soul knows what’s best for you, don’t will yourself out of the best days of your life by ignoring it.